c o l u m n

Deborah Whistler • Managing Editor
On Public Image

The Price Of Anger

Act of ill temper exacts a devastating toll.

He asked that we not use his name. Not to protect himself, but to spare his family any additional pain. He is a 15-year veteran driver. He has an excellent safety record, even today. He was judged not at fault in the incident he will relate here. “But the guilt remains in my heart,” he says.
He hopes relaying his story to other truckers will prevent a similar accident. It’s a message everyone should take to heart, especially anyone behind the wheel of a big rig. Please share it with your drivers.
* * *
“A four-wheeler cuts you off, so you decide to teach him a lesson. You’ll tailgate him and really scare him. Or maybe you’re the one being tailgated. So you’ll just slam on the brakes and show him who’s boss. Well, my friend, let me tell you what it feels like to get into an argument with a four-wheeler and win.
“First you feel the sickening thud of the impact. You leap from your cab and run to where the four-wheeler lies crushed. As you approach, you pray that miraculously the driver is unhurt. Amazingly, you hear only silence.
“You’re lucky. There’s not a lot of blood and gore. You find a man a lot like you, you’ll later learn. A family man, active in his community. Popular. Here on the street it feels like you’re the only two people in the world.
“You stay with him. Talk to him. Comfort him. Maybe you even hold his hand, big macho man that you are. After what seems an eternity, the ambulance arrives. They remove him from his vehicle and race away.
“You mechanically go through the routine of the accident investigation. Take your pictures. Talk to the police. Again, if you’re lucky, they won’t place the blame on you.
“Since your truck is operable, you drive to the nearest town and find a payphone. You call the hospital. The switchboard connects you directly to the emergency room. You swallow a lump in your throat that threatens to choke you and strain to hear through the pounding in your ears. A kindly nurse asks if you are a relative. No, you’re not family, you tell her, you are the other driver in the accident.
“She hesitates, then says softly that she is very sorry, but Mr. So-And-So has expired. You thank her and hang up the phone.
“You call your dispatcher. At the sound of her familiar voice, you lose it. Rest assured, this is only the first of many times you will go to pieces.
“You finally compose yourself enough to make the arrangements for the mandatory drug and alcohol tests. If you are lucky, a technician will come right to you because you won’t be able to drive for awhile.
“Then you pick up the phone again to call your family to tell them you’ll be delayed coming home. You lose it again.
“Finally, the technician has come and gone and you are free to go. You walk shakily to the truck, up past the big dent and marks on the trailer that weren’t there this morning. You climb into your seat and start it up. You are six hours from home. How do you get there? Minute by minute.
“When you reach home, you’re met roadside by your family. The horror of what has happened hits you again full force. You think about that other man and his family. You dissolve into a sobbing mass in your wife’s arms.
“Get used to it pal. This is only the beginning.
“In the future will come almost certainly the civil case. Maybe even a criminal case. And regardless of the outcome, you will have to live with yourself. You will hear the sound of the crash. See the victim’s face. Hold his hand. Thousands of times.
“Oh, you’ll get your outward emotions under control. You’ll be able to function. Probably even drive truck again, especially if you have a family to support. But inside, it never goes away. Believe me, I know.
“Motorists have no idea how they risk their lives around big trucks. Do they deserve to die for their ignorance?
“If someone cut you off in the supermarket line, would you pull out a gun and shoot them?
“Don’t hold that 80,000-pound gun to the back of a four-wheeler’s head. You’re the pro. Act like one.
“God go with you.”