What Kind Of Fool Am I?
The "True" Stella Awards I quoted Aren't. But the truth is stranger.
DEBORAH WHISTLER
EDITOR
OK. I goofed. My last column gave a list of frivolous lawsuits attributed to the Stella Awards. I have since learned that those cases were lies and made up facts. Not invented by me, mind you. Apparently they've been circulating on the Internet for some time, and no one's sure who originally inspired them.
I was skeptical myself when I first read them. But, because of the number of really stupid lawsuits I know personally to be true, nothing surprises me.
I did attempt to verify my information. I searched the Web for "Stella Awards" and discovered there really is a web site proclaiming to research and disseminate information on truly frivolous and ridiculous lawsuits. I gave readers a link to the site.
That's the good news. The bad news: Upon discovering the site, I didn't spend enough time surfing it. If I had, I would have clicked onto the icon "Bogus" to discover the items I planned to use in the column were just that.
Randy Cassingham, the site's creator, does an admirable job of finding and reporting on the asinine cases flooding our legal system. "After nine years writing weird-but-true news stories," he says, "I have a very finely honed BS detector; I also consider the source. If I'm suspicious (and I often am), I cross-check. If I can't find anything to confirm the story, I dump it."
This is no defense against poor reporting, but Cassingham tells me that many other reporters have been caught reporting the bogus cases — including CNN. So I guess I'm in good company.
With so many foolish real cases out there, why bother making them up, Cassingham asks. He publishes an email newsletter that distributes details on such silliness. He says he's had a dramatic increase in traffic to his web site following my January column. "You should be satisfied to know that the readers are listening — I've had enough people come by for free subscriptions and mention [the article] that I definitely noticed the trend."
To visit, go to www.StellaAwards.com.
Here are a few examples of some of the real lawsuits he has discovered (and verified as fact by checking court documents):
• Multiple-pierced woman told by her employer she can't wear her earrings, eyebrow ring, lip ring (etc.) when she works with the public. "Discrimination!" she cries — religious discrimination, since she is a member of the "Church of Body Modification." She sues for $2 million.
• Singer James Brown's daughters sue him, claiming they are entitled to royalties for "helping" him write his songs — when they were as young as 3 years old.
• Class action lawsuit filed against Palm, since the m130 Palm Pilot PDA is advertised as showing "more than 65,000 colors" when it really is only capable of producing 58,621 colors.
• Man confronts burglar. Even though the victim has a shotgun, the burglar attacks him. The victim shoots the burglar. The district attorney declared the shooting justified. End of case? No way. The burglar's family sues the man protecting his home ... and wins.
• Drunk climbs under parked truck and passes out. When the inevitable happens (Yep: squished), who's responsible? According to a lawsuit filed by his mother, everybody — except, of course, the drunk.
• Woman drugs her children and herself in a murder/suicide attempt. All live, and woman is acquitted of attempted murder charges. Ah ha! Then someone else must be responsible for her actions. She sues.
• State inmate sues prison system claiming they're not letting him practice his religion — he's a Druid vampire, and must be allowed sexual access to a "vampress."
• Obese, cigarette-smoking woman with high blood pressure, high cholesterol and a family history of coronary artery disease suffers the expected health problems associated with those risk factors. Why? Because her doctors didn't force her to change her habits. She sues for $1 million.
• Man who legally changed his name to "Jack Ass" complains MTV's Jackass TV series and movie demeaned, denigrated and damaged his good name. No lawyer will take the case (that's unusual), so he files suit by himself, demanding $50 million in damages.
And after reading just a few of the real cases, what kind of fool was I to be duped?
I rest my case.
